Hard Rock Star Writes the Book on Hookers

First prize is Gene Simmons doing your voice mail greeting: "If you want to welcome me with open arms, I'm afraid you're also going to have to welcome me with open legs."

Or choose something from the non-Terry Gross-baiting menu. All it will take is winning Simmons' 200-word essay contest (featured on his Web site) about the pros (no pun intended) and cons (ditto) of prostitution. The Kiss founder's rumination on the world's oldest profession hits stores in July and, to celebrate, he's prostituting himself, or at least his distinctive voice.

Simmons claims to have bedded nearly 5,000 women in his life. He also claims, however, never to have paid for sex. So much for writing what you know.

'Ladies of the Night: A Historical and Personal Perspective of the Oldest Profession in the World' comes in a luxurious velvet binding and will set you back $39.95. For that kind of money, you could get a ... oh, never mind.