Rabid Reds Fan Compares Team to 'Idol' Reject

Posted on Aug 21st 2008 3:00PM by James Sullivan
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The Cincinnati Reds are in the cellar, and digging deeper. They've thrown in the towel on this year, trading away a sure first-ballot Hall of Famer (Ken Griffey, Jr.) and the league's leading home run hitter (Adam Dunn). Now a long-suffering fan named Ryan Parker has added insult to an injurious season, writing a sarcastic ode comparing his hapless Reds to a certain 'American Idol.'

"If the other teams are like/Kelly Clarkson on the mic," he warbles, then... 'The Reds are Like William Hung.'

As it turns out, Mr. Parker has carved out an obsessive little hobby for himself, posting up-to-the-minute acoustic ditties based on hot topics of 'SportsCenter' conversation. In recent weeks he has imagined a post-Olympic career for Michael Phelps ("Sea World tricks with otters"), assessed 'Golf Without Tiger' ("Jim Nantz is asleep in the CBS truck/'Cause golf without Tiger really does suck") and paid wry tribute to those playboys in pinstripes ('It's Good to Be a Yankee').

Despite all the digs, at heart he knows he's an incurable fanboy: "I sing all about how you are a disgrace/But it's nothing I ever would say to your face." As we've all learned from 'Idol,' you don't need talent to attract a crowd.

Next: Horses Boogie to Bee Gees

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