Laugh, Rage, Cry With Sara Quin

I can only echo what people have already said. This was... a moving, heartbreaking piece that makes me determined to do more than make cheeky comments to representatives of a university that legitimately kicks out gay applicants, more than talk about change, rallies, making a difference.

Here's a passage from a gay rights play that we're putting on this summer that basically sums up my feelings on this:

What is it about me that makes me not good enough to give my love and receive love in return? To seal that love with a legal bond and get the benefits that go along with it? What did I do wrong? Who do my actions hurt? Am I personally kicking God in the shin? And right now, who is being hurt by the hatred, the discrimination, the illegality to love and marry freely? When I was younger, I hated myself, drowned my self-pity in cheap vodka and the occasional supply of something worse. And that’s where the hurt against gays is the worst. The shit that we put ourselves through, believing that we are some kind of monster, subconsciously plotting to link arms and skip merrily towards Armageddon with the Antichrist. You know the psychological damage it does. But that pain—it’s not your fault, it’s not what you deserve, it’s crap that’s been handfed to you by bigots, sometimes even bigots hiding behind faith. The fault lies with society’s discriminatory perception of what it means to be gay or bi. They are hurting you and me and others. I’m not hurting anyone—unless God exists and really takes personal affront at legit, natural love. But while we are on this earth, I know I’m going to take a stand against people being hurt now, and I’ll take whatever “divine retribution” comes my way when I die—at least I’ll have lived on my terms.

I just burst into tears. It was really touching...

Sara, I once saw an interview with you and Tegan. you both agreed that being good role models is very important to both of you and also that many gay people, especaially young girls have told you that knowing that you're both gay and the fact that you're so open about it have helped them accept who they are. many said that it had also helped them to come out to their parents. I'm one of them. now, there are two things I would like to say to you, Sara. first of all: thank you so much for being an amazing role model and helping me figure out who I am and why. you and Tegan are by far two of the most fantastic people I've ever seen. I don't know what I'd do without you. I'm sure many people fell the same way. you're just to good to be true. second: I love you. for real.

As i read this, i tought on how Sara is like everyone of us. I love that. She is smart, funny and outspoken. She is my role model. And i agree on her that everybody has the right to love:)

Who gets hurt when one gets married? Not you or me.

Sara I don't think you need to say that you hope to be a role model
because you are one. I went to a concert you had recently and just to be in a
place surrounded by people like me, singing songs about people like me
makes me feel like I'm a part of something not just on outside. It's true that a lot of us in the queer community struggle to fit in but your music helps lots of teenagers and lots of people who are questioning themselves. You are successful and passionate and you are a guiding light for people who may be afraid of who they are or who they might be.
As a Canadian, as a woman and as a lesbian I'd like to say thanks to you and your sister for just being yourselves you have made an extraordinary difference.

Sara I don't think you need to say that you hope to be a role model because you are one. I went to a concert you had an just to be in a place surrounded by people like me singing songs about people like me makes me feel not as outside. It's true a lot in the queer community struggle to fit in but your music helps lots of teens who question themselves. You are successful and passionate and you are a guiding light for people who may be afraid of who they are.
As a Canadian and as a woman and as a lesbian I'd like to say thanks to you and your sister for just being yourselves you have made an extrodinary difference.

I married my partner of 8 years on October 3rd, 2009. I live in Canada and, like you Sara, I feel extremely fortunate to have this equality in my country.
My father died suddenly one month after my wedding. I've been heartbroken since.

I read your words about looking at your parent's wedding pictures and I think about my own. How hard it's been for me to look at them, as it brings back the pain and realization of how I lost my father so soon after one of the most precious days of my life.

I started thinking about what you wrote. Once upon a time, for me, my very father was not happy about me being gay. Although he was respectful to my partner, it took him a long time to adjust to it and an even harder time agreeing to come to the wedding. Last year, we all went through a great deal as a family and my father and I grew closer. He realized how wrong it was of him to be so unfair to me and deny me my wish of him being at my wedding. Not only was he at my wedding but he was very active in it as well. He told me how silly he was for once having a problem with the whole idea...how trivial it all seemed because he kept feeling himself to be "old school" (as he called it) and that this feeling made him believe that he HAD to live by this mentality. He told me how seeing me happy was all he could want for me. Not only did he tell me this but he told our entire reception party of nearly 100 people.

Hearing him tell me these things, remembering back to that day a few months ago to when he said them, and reading your post here brings an overwhelming amount of emotion to the surface.

I feel as though, through this post, I can relate to the struggles people have over the gay marriage debate and the extent to which words can hurt others. In reading your post, I can now THINK back to my wedding day in lieu of looking at my pictures (which still make me sad). Instead I can think back to the day and remember how happy him being there and especially giving that speech made me.

I can only hope that, like my father did, people will eventually come around. I hope that inspiring people like you Sara Quin, and your sister - through words or music, reach people. I hope, for you, that not only will you be able to have children that can look at your wedding pictures but that everyone in the U.S and other countries that frown upon this right will come around, like Canada, and allow them to share in these precious moments.
Who are we to think we can tell people who to love?

I typically don't respond to blogs or make my presence known on the net that much but I was inspired by this.

Thank you Sara.

I think that marriage, and the right to marry is too often confused with something the 'government' has established. It's a religious ceremony ordained by God for the joining of a man and woman. The fact that the govt has based so much of their own legislation on marital status is an issue - but a separate one. Put another way - prop 8 as it exists is not something the govt has the authority to change whether or not they get enough votes. Extending fair and equal treatment to gay couples - great. But my under the guise of 'marriage' - that's not their turf.

The saddest part about all of this is that I wish you never had to write this.... I wish it didn't take so much energy out of you and ur heart. So many years fightning something so invisable and far removed like government and church is such a difficult thing. I wish love stook around a little longer these days. I wish repression got a clue. I hope we can all get a little closer and remember what it's like to feel in touch. I wish we were not all so far removed.

When I was younger I would imagine this grand image of everyone around the world singing the same song. Everyone vibrating and reaching for something more. The feeling of an audience all coming together to sing and it no longer is measured by beauty. It's the feeling of wanting to be heard. Such a powerful thing to come together. To remember what it feels like to be understood.

Love you both.

Interesting, I agree and empathize completely with everything you've said. I see what you mean about the gay community basically being divided within itself and a good portion of it conforming to negative stereotypes,and institutionalized minority roles.Though we have come a long way,we have a long way to go,and the apathy and remaining fear seems currently dominant.I see it just about everyday in some form.Iv'e always felt out of place in the gay community,still kinda do, too gay for the straight community, too straight for the gay community.It shouldn't be that way, but I have a couple gay friends with similar backgrounds feeling the same way. We tend to always be falling for, chasing after straight people and getting hurt. Even so Iv'e always fit in better in the straight community because that is all I've ever known.Where I grew up on the East Coast there was no gay community or if their was I had no clue. I grew up in a strict non-denominational christian family church was our life since I was five. I was taught homosexuality was a sin and that they were condemned to hell.This hurts the most, but i even attended an anti gay marriage rally with my parents and church in NY where our pastor was speaking against gay marriage.this was when I was first questioning my sexuality, but was super brainwashed even then and it felt so wrong, so fucked.I was pulled out of public school and put into private christian schools from middle school all the way till highschool.It wasn't till high school i started to recognize my feelings for women and I fought and buried it for years, tried to pray it away.I was so scared of going to hell. After falling for my best friend then her leaving me , and marrying a man because she was too scared to be gay. I was at the wedding rehearsal dinner balling and I couldn't tell anyone why, then I was one of her bridesmaids,It was just devastating.I chose to embrace my sexuality head on after that.I moved to Florida went to college came out ,but not to my Christian family, still struggled with my religion and beliefs.I often pondered Is it possible to be gay and Christian.I studied scripture trying to find a way to still fit in. My parents found out eventually that I was gay and freaked out. They tried to get me into church counseling,to "pray the gay away". They were convinced that I was going through a phase.They couldn't believe that I could be so selfish and would "hurt" the family in that way.My dad cried to me because he didn't want me to burn in hell.Hence the fear problem. After a year of this at an attempt to regain my sanity and to not kill myself I moved away. I looked up gay friendly cities in America, moved across the country out on my own,went to a university to study design and completely changed my life for the positive.Living with the freedom of finding myself,and accepting my sexuality apart from religion and family's sexism was a dream come true.After a few years of being gone my parents have snapped out of it and are gradually getting better and accepting the fact I'm gay.my mom stopped trying to set me up with men. Now embracing the gay community for the first time, these past five years, I must say I have been pretty much disappointed.So much of what I've seen almost embarrasses me, and I have been guilty of not wanting to be associated with most of it. Over time I have learned to find the commonalities with others,instead of differences and am trying to find ways to embrace the community.I currently attend a Christian university... go figure! It's ironic! The school is still torn on its stance on accepting gay people and gay marriage.Half is basically gay and very closeted, strict Christian with an anti-gay message and the other half is fighting for gay rights on campus. It's so ridiculous, I am out on campus and am basically shunned by half the school for not being christian and not being straight. We basically have created a club on campus called Haven to make it safe to talk openly about sexuality and essentially be gay, breaking gay stereotypes,straight stereotypes,religious stereotypes and uniting the campus.We aren't allowed to meet on school property anymore. It's so f-d up especially in a liberal city like Seattle.Their is a good portion of people I know still closeted out of fear and because of religon. With dreams for the future I want the right to live how I wish, just like my straight friends, if marriage and kids is a part of it, it should be an option.The problem is the amount of fear in our society towards that which is thought of as "feminine." I am thankful for my supportive straight friends,some refuse to get married until I can.Not that I'm asking them too, or am about to get married, but I say that's real love.We should spread that kind of support and love for one another.