Dr. Nick Troop, a psychologist and lecturer at the University of Hertfordshire in England, claims he has written the "ideal" David Bowie song. Though some might argue that the Flight of the Conchords' 'Bowie' is the ideal Thin White Duke song, Troops' 'Team, Meet Girls; Girls, Meet Team' is willing to give it -- and Bowie's entire 26-album catalog -- a run for its money. What it lacks in comedic timing it makes up for in scientific accuracy -- and unwitting hilarity. Troop, who leads "a double life as a musician," according to his university page, informs us that he is a "huge Bowie fan," in case that was unclear.

"It turns out that there are some psychological processes embedded within Bowie lyrics that do correlate with how long his albums have spent in the charts," Dr. Troop explains. Apparently, Bowie's inclusion of social words like "talk," "share" and "joy" led to greater financial success than words pertaining to "motion," such as "travel," words about "touching," such as "hug," and words relating to "death," such as "suicide" and "coughing."

Troop supposes that music buyers simply aren't interested in songs about "death" or "touching," then explains how he came up with the song's lyrics, which include the poignant line, "Share, relax, creating humans XXX." Using a program called Linguistic Inquiry and Word Count, Troop generated "pairs" and "triples" of words that might have come from Bowie's own mind, but are so strange they could only have come from a computer's mind.

Troop then puts on his best Bowie voice, straps on an acoustic guitar, and takes it away. What do you think? Would Bowie disown this song?