Christmas Number One Hits and Misses

With Rage Against the Machine beating Joe McElderry to take the Christmas number one crown for 2009, the fight for Britain's Yuletide chart-topper was more entertaining than any in the last five years. As pop commentators and music fans have been quick to point out, there used to be a traditional battle for the charts before 'X Factor'.' Here we look at a few of the hits and misses

'Mad World,' Michael Andrews and Gary Jules (2003)
Sombre, contemplative cover of the Tears For Fears classic for the 'Donnie Darko' soundtrack. Too depressing for Christmas? Not at all.
Verdict: Hit

'Earth Song,' Michael Jackson (1995)
It might have been the peak of Britpop, but the Christmas charts were instead topped with this bile-inducing slab of Messianic nonsense.
Verdict: Miss

'Stay Another Day,' East 17 (1994)
A bit of rough at Christmas. The Walthamstow boyband get festive with a prime slice of under-the-mistletoe schmaltz.
Verdict: Hit

'Mull of Kintyre,' Wings (1979)
Seemingly endless cod-Celtic epic on the joys of having a second home in Scotland.
Verdict: Miss

'Daytripper,' The Beatles (1965)
John Lennon's blast at "weekend hippies" became a Yuletide chart-topper in 1965. Aaah. Simpler times.
Verdict: Hit

'Ernie, the Fastest Milkman in the West,' Benny Hill (1971)
Unreconstructed comedian Hill's novelty single filled with groanworthy innuendo.
Verdict: Miss

'Don't You Want Me,' Human League (1982)
The sound of the future, according to the New Romantics. Clearly enough of us were convinced by the sci-fi haircuts to make it a Chrimbo number one.
Verdict: Hit


'Two Little Boys,' Rolf Harris (1969)
Harris' ode to childhood generosity and then wartime derring-do. Just plain odd, if not actually creepy.
Verdict: Miss

'Sound of the Underground,' Girls Aloud (2001)
Aside from Will Young, they're the only reality show contestants to muster several years in the biz. No mistake when the likes of this pop gem tops the charts.
Verdict: Hit

'Mary's Boy Child,' Boney M (1978)
The robotic disco of the German formed dancefloor sensation sounds oddly joyless when they're supposed to be proclaiming the miracle of our Saviour.
Verdict: Miss

'Reet Petite,' Jackie Wilson (1986)
Fifties legend Wilson's hit recovered from the vaults thanks to a Levi's commercial. The horns alone are enough to bring festive cheer.
Verdict: Hit

'Hallelujah,' Alexandra Burke (2008)
Cred to the 'X Factor' crowd for taking a Leonard Cohen classic and making it a Christmas number one? Not on your nelly. This was about as passionate as three-day-old porridge.
Verdict: Miss

'Always on My Mind,' Pet Shop Boys (1987)
Presley oldie given a spring to its step thanks to the Smiths you could dance to. Joyless is the foot that remains still during this one.
Verdict: Hit

'Can We Fix It,' Bob the Builder (2000)
The sound of a nation's mums being pestered for pocket money in the CD aisle of their local supermarket.
Verdict: Miss

'Moon River,' Danny Williams (1961)
One of the most popular songs of the 20th Century, this stone-cold Henry Mancini classic might not be about Christmas, yet still sounds like the perfect Christmas song.
Verdict: Hit

'Save Your Love,' Renee and Renato (1982)
The world's biggest practical joke? An Italian waiter and friend are catapulted to the top of the Christmas charts with histrionic caterwauling. Frightful.
Verdict: Miss

'Return to Sender,' Elvis Presley (1962)
The King of Rock 'n' Roll's ode to mail delivery problems clearly struck a chord round Christmas time.
Verdict: Hit

'Something Stupid,' Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman (2001)
Were they? Did they? Not if the chemistry in the video was anything to go by. They looked like a divorced couple smiling through one of the kids' graduation photos.
Verdict: Miss

'Do They Know It's Christmas?' Band Aid (1984)
Charity-tastic meeting of major pop minds to raise money for Ethiopian famine. Much better than it had any right to be, especially considering Paul Young was involved.
Verdict: Hit

'Mistletoe and Wine,' Cliff Richard (1988)
Oh Cliff. We know you're a Christian. Just do us a favour and re-release 'Devil Woman' one Christmas. That'd be ace.
Verdict: Miss