Facebook R&B crooner Mario has been relatively quiet on the music front for…
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In fact, there are quite a few songs about touching it, proving that even unattached, single people can still celebrate a tender relationship -- with themselves. Here are our favorite songs about loving Number One.
After witnessing guy friends gawk over women in a music video, the folky soulster -- "not the average girl from the video" -- wrote this song about being content with her non-supermodel self. "My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes -- I'm loving what I see," she sang. This 2001 anthem for the ordinary even spoke to Oprah, who once declared, "We needed that song!"
The title pretty much says it all. Our favorite 6-foot-4 drag queen first addressed the self-image concept with 'Supermodel (You Better Work),' a '90s dance club favorite that prompted those who had never before uttered the words "shashay, shanté" to utter them way too often. This one from 2004, heard on the hefty US reality show 'The Biggest Loser,' was an attempt to relive the 'Supermodel' glory, this time by appealing to non-models.
This fits into "you-can't-handle-this" category, with Aaliyah singing, "I'll be more than a lover/More than a woman/More than your others." The "I don't think you're ready" line apparently didn't apply to R. Kelly, who married Aaliyah when she was just a teen, foreshadowing problems Kelly would encounter in later years. Aaliyah would suffer an even worse fate: Not long before this 2001 song was released, the 22-year-old R&B singer was killed in a plane crash.
Linda Perry, who fronted the '90s alterna-band 4 Non Blondes, was hoping to revive her career with a new record deal when Pink called her out of the blue and asked if the two could work together. Although Perry had never heard of Pink, she canceled a label tryout and wrote this 2001 dance ditty for her. While Pink says the song is nothing like her, it provided a great fit for Pink's kick-ass 'tude. The ultimate pre-party rally song, Pink sings about preparing to grace others with her "number-one superstar" presence.
While some have argued this wasn't a song about masturbation, the line "Body and beats, I stain my sheets" doesn't leave a lot of wiggle room. And by the way? Ew. The Femmes, of course, knew how to capture teen angst, and this 1983 song provided a soundtrack for hormone-fueled frustration. This acoustic tune with a punk feel was around for a decade before finally reaching its -- ahem -- climax with '90s college students.
Either you love it or you pretend to hate it, but you have to admit: Hammer was on to something. Not only did this song bring rap into the mainstream in 1990, it also instigated a wave of boasting songs. Using the hook from Rick James' funk classic 'Super Freak,' Hammer pulled on a pair of parachute pants and shimmied into pop history with his ubiquitous video. Lyrics included boasts like "I'm dope on the floor/And I'm magic on the mic" and "If you can't dance to this/Then you probably are dead." We went right along, spontaneously bursting, "Stop!/Hammer time!" even when it made no sense to do so.
Before Pink redirected Linda Perry's career path, Perry had planned to use this song for her own comeback. But Aguilera -- who was trying to appeal to more mature audiences at this point -- convinced Perry to let her record it in 2002. Of course, Aguilera probably didn't need to tell anyone she was beautiful, having recently posed nude for the cover of Rolling Stone. But she did need to shed the teeny-bopper image. In this song, she sings, "I am beautiful in every way." And if you don't believe it, check out the album cover -- she's not wearing a whole lot there, either.
Where do we start with this one? The ticked-off Queen fans, the jealous rappers or the famous fall from grace? Written by a 16-year-old rapper, who sampled Queen's 'Under Pressure,' the Chilly Caucasian claimed to be the sort of rough and tumble, gun-toting ladies man he rhymes about. The self-proclaimed lyrical poet -- "word to your mother!" -- would soon be treated like a joke, but that didn't stop this one from becoming the first rap single to top the US charts, in 1990.
Does anyone else think it's interesting when gorgeous singers write songs detailing how they like themselves for who they are? Even though she's not always perfect, Keys once told MTV, she's still a superwoman, and this Grammy-winning song from 2007 inspires her to "be however I am that day." What courage.
A lot of wanking songs are just coy enough to make you wonder, "Are they saying what I think they're saying?" Not this one. The alt rock trio who gave us 'Closing Time' in the '90s, opts out of subtlety and gets to the point in 2001 with lyrics like "I got a grip on myself/And it feels nice." A poppy, feel-good rocker, this is for those who find themselves alone at closing time. "If you're looking for someone to get a grip on you/First you need to get a grip on yourself," they sing. A therapist couldn't have said it better.
Known for her frank sexual lyrics and what the New York Times called "F-me feminism," Phair was a darling of the critics in the '90s, but she had fairly limited commercial success. Then she started posing for sexy magazine shoots, moved from an indie label to a major and reinvented herself musically with an album that was more Avril than Courtney. In this 2003 song, the narrator tries to persuade a man to love her, but the self-proclaimed "supergoddess" apparently likes herself more than he does.
In this 1983 song, John -- who had struggled with addictions, bulimia and low self-esteem -- seemed to be trying to convince the world that he was finally right with himself. Calling himself a survivor, the 70s star praised himself for sticking around. Of course, John didn't write the lyrics -- longtime songwriting partner Bernie Taupin did. And, in reality, John once admitted, the still self-loathing piano player was barely able to stand for the 'I'm Still Standing' video due to his drunken state.
As far as we can tell, Beyoncé's relationship with Jay-Z is pretty solid. But this 2003 song was written from the perspective of a woman whose man cheats on her. Rather than blame herself, the narrator chooses to love herself: "I took a vow from now on/I'm gonna be my own best friend," Beyonce sings. After leaving Destiny's Child behind and starring in 'Austin Powers in Goldmember,' Beyoncé released her first solo album, featuring this self-affirming song that makes use of all the first-person singular pronouns.
If you want to make that transition from teen to adult pop star, you can't go wrong with a song about self-pleasure. Of course, Spears was a sex symbol from the get-go, when the small-town girl donned an oddly sexy Catholic schoolgirl uniform and immediately burned herself in the brains of thousands of guiltily fantasizing men. Speaking of fantasies, Spears sings in vivid detail in this 2003 song: "The small of my back, the arch of my feet/Lately I've been noticin' the beautiful me."
We never figured Charlie Brown's sister would grow up to become a sex symbol. But Fergie, who provided the voice of Sally in a couple of '80s Peanuts movies, quickly vamped it up once she joined the Black Eyed Peas. Here, she's not afraid to flaunt it, singing, "I drive these brothers crazy/I do it on the daily." Often panned by critics, some of whom took exception to the 30 or so times "my humps" is repeated, this 2005 Grammy winner is about a woman with a killer bod who uses it to her advantage.
Whether you think it's about dancing (no) or yanking (yes, yes, yes!), you can't deny that this is a song about being comfortable with yourself. 'Dancing' was originally released with Idol's punk band, Generation X, but became a hit in 1982 when re-released as a solo act. Speaking of solo acts, this ode to onanism concludes with Idol repeating "I sweat" faster and faster.
At first, the boasting was kind of funny, then it went too far. Notorious B.I.G. -- the man of many nicknames -- helped raise the profile of East Coast rap with his clever use of samples and his realistic depiction of the hustling street life he knew first-hand. This 1994 track, backed with an Isley Brothers sample, features Biggie Smalls rapping about his prowess with women, his hip-hop skills and his wealth. Other boasting songs were more aggressive, possibly prompting unknown shooters to take him down just months after Big Poppa's rival, Tupac Shakur, was murdered.
While it's always been controversial to write about self gratification, Amos took it at least two levels beyond the norm with this 1994 number. In one live version, she confesses to asking a classmate about masturbation as a child. Later, when she tried to talk about it with her father -- a Methodist preacher -- he told her he was ashamed of her. As the music begins, she sings of masturbating with an icicle while reading the Bible.
We can't believe this 1991 song didn't appear on the 'Zoolander' soundtrack. Brothers Richard and Rob Fairbrass, who once played acoustic folk music, were inspired by a friend to pursue dance rhythms. When they joked about the male models who worked out at the gym they managed, campy history was well in the works. Taking on the role of the models, the brothers shaved their heads and bared their chests for the video, declaring in a monotone voice that they were too sexy for just about anything they could think of -- shirts, cars, cats. Even this song.
It makes sense that this 1983 song about autoeroticism would be released after 'Girls Just Want to Have Fun.' While the Catholic Church criticized her for it, Lauper told the Chicago Sun-Times it was tastefully done "so that a little kid would never realize what it was." Even a lot of adults didn't know it was about masturbation -- until someone told them, at which point it was obviously a song about masturbation.