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Steve Martin Demands Thongs, Bendy Straws in 'Leaked' Tour Rider

Steve MartinVeteran comedian, actor and banjo picker Steve Martin has been on tour most of this year already, supporting his latest release 'The Crow,' an album he told us was taken very seriously. But in light of his newfound fame as a folk singer, Martin's still found time to get a bit silly. Making the Internet rounds as of late is Steve Martin's "leaked" tour rider, a three-page manifesto of diva demands that paint the singer in a new light -- if only they were true.

The document itself is much more in the vein of the Onion as opposed to the Smoking Gun. As far as food goes, a buffet table with must contain iceberg lettuce, and said iceberg must be from Scandanavia, Canada or Russia Arctic. Anything Antarctic won't do. A thoughtful assortment of mead and bendy straws is also desired, where the bendy straws are "strong enough to be used as a blowgun."

In case Martin isn't feeling it that particular night, the venue must have banjo whiz Bela Fleck on speed dial. Staffers must also be on hand to purchase items that Martin might need if he has to abandon a 'World of Warcraft' game for showtime. Hard drugs are also desired -- by hard drugs, he's referring to Advil.

An important part of any show is getting the sound just right, and Martin also seems to have an idea on how to achieve the best possible sound at every venue. "Instruments must be tuned by a wiry, sarcastic guy named Shorty, Lou or Lightnin'," the rider says.

As far as getting ready goes, Martin needs to have guyliner on hand and a recent article from Allure magazine that details how to get a "smoky eye." Also, the only scratchy or constricting thing in wardrobe has to be limited to Martin's thong.

That's not necessarily a visual we were expecting, but then again, maybe a successful banjo-playing Steve Martin wasn't either. Martin will be on tour this summer with the Punch Brothers, with dates resuming July 23 in Eau Claire, Wis.

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Dan Warner

"That's not necessarily a visual we were expecting, but then again, maybe a successful banjo-playing Steve Martin wasn't either." Are you serious???? Steve Martin has been a successful Banjo player for longer than I can remember... This writer needs to do some research on Steve Martin before writing a collum.

June 28 2010 at 9:21 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Tony

All jokes aside,, Steve Martin is an amazing musician, and I would love to see him play onstage with Bela Fleck,, that would be something that would blow the new musicians away!!!LOLOL!!!! Then add Al DiMieola to the mix,, hope you are looking, steve,,?????

June 28 2010 at 8:46 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
kelly

Steve Martin is hilarious in ANYTHING he does. My personal favorite is the Jerk!

June 28 2010 at 8:45 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
james claypool

i wounder if he can play bluegrass

June 28 2010 at 7:16 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to james claypool's comment
Bill

Yes, James. Steve Martin can most definitely play bluegrass banjo.

June 28 2010 at 8:18 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Fluffy

I would just be thrilled to meet Steve Martin! I watch his movies at home all the time. I think his best is Father of the Bride I and II. I just love him. He is definitely one of my favorite actors, and he is a terrific musician, and most likley, very talented in everything he does. Steve, you are ace in my book!

June 28 2010 at 1:58 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Mary Rose

On Steve Martin's official website, long before he got married, he used to let his fans post some pretty outrageous stuff like the Church of Steve Martin, Steve Martin's Olympic Games, and any verbose treatise that some of us could dream up and others could add to with great hilarity and perseverance of insanity. No one ever knew when Martin himself, actually posted or under which type of fan, but stuff got pretty wild and crazy, and it looks like Steve had carried some of it forward into his concert humor, just like he did when he appeared on SNL.

June 28 2010 at 1:34 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
JEB BUCKINGHAM

Steve, you are a wild and crazy guy! Let's get small, sometime and try to remember that comedy isn't pretty!

June 27 2010 at 11:20 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
John Keene

I've been on the road with rock groups for 40 years and most of the riders are crazy. The Beachboys have 164 pages of demands. This makes it the longest rider in R & R. If you want to really laugh you should see Diana Ross or Madonna's.

June 27 2010 at 10:39 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
r

I hop eye dun't miss speled anee wurds. I likah Steeev martun, hee's funy!

June 27 2010 at 9:57 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
John

Sounds like Steve is going back to his roots. I was fortunate to catch his standup act twice at the Cellar Door in Georgetown (DC) before his movie career, and he was amazing. We were waiting in line outside between shows, and Steve came out with his balloon animals on his head, nose glasses, and his banjo over his shoulder and pretended to be hitch hiking on Wisconsin Avenue.
I'm sure most people had no idea who he was, but it was hilarious as was his absurd standup act! Nice to see him back at it! Let's get small, and suck a piano up our noses through a straw!

June 27 2010 at 9:14 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to John's comment
Fluffy

Do you need a Kleenex?

June 28 2010 at 2:01 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply