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Worst Turkeys in Music: 10 Songs That Deserve the Hatchet
- Posted by Pat Pemberton
'Don't Stand So Close to Me '86'
The Police
Turkey Served With: Reheated Gourmet Food
In 1980, the Police recorded a memorable, reggae-influenced tune about a teacher's feelings for a much younger student. Then, six years later, they released a slowed-down, overproduced version with fake drums. Making matters worse, when they released their greatest-hits album, 'Every Breath You Take: The Singles,' they included the dreadful '86 version of 'Don't Stand' and not the original.
In 1980, the Police recorded a memorable, reggae-influenced tune about a teacher's feelings for a much younger student. Then, six years later, they released a slowed-down, overproduced version with fake drums. Making matters worse, when they released their greatest-hits album, 'Every Breath You Take: The Singles,' they included the dreadful '86 version of 'Don't Stand' and not the original.
Nigel Waldron, Getty Images
'Vision of Love'
Mariah Carey
Turkey Served With: Overcooked Ham
If you wanted to blame one song for the horrid, fluttering melisma you hear from today's 'American Idol' contestants, you could easily pick this 1990 tune. Melisma -- the art of creating many notes from one syllable -- is fine when handled by acts like Aretha Franklin and Stevie Wonder. But in the wrong hands, it's grating. Even more than Whitney Houston's over-the-top "iiiieeee-eye" shrieks that would follow, Carey's melismas inspired a generation of groan-inducing, exhibitionist vocals.
If you wanted to blame one song for the horrid, fluttering melisma you hear from today's 'American Idol' contestants, you could easily pick this 1990 tune. Melisma -- the art of creating many notes from one syllable -- is fine when handled by acts like Aretha Franklin and Stevie Wonder. But in the wrong hands, it's grating. Even more than Whitney Houston's over-the-top "iiiieeee-eye" shrieks that would follow, Carey's melismas inspired a generation of groan-inducing, exhibitionist vocals.
Alexander Tamargo, Getty Images
'We Built This City'
Starship
Turkey Served With: Cold Leftovers
Before Paul Kantner was interviewed by a reporter in 2005, his manager went out of his way to make a clarification: "You know Paul had nothing to do with 'We Built This City,' right?" And who could blame him? Kantner's old group, Jefferson Airplane, was a pioneering psychedelic band with serious rock cred in the '60s. But a reconfigured band put out this corporate dud in 1985, which sounds like the Jefferson Airplane being hijacked to some godforsaken no-man's-land.
Before Paul Kantner was interviewed by a reporter in 2005, his manager went out of his way to make a clarification: "You know Paul had nothing to do with 'We Built This City,' right?" And who could blame him? Kantner's old group, Jefferson Airplane, was a pioneering psychedelic band with serious rock cred in the '60s. But a reconfigured band put out this corporate dud in 1985, which sounds like the Jefferson Airplane being hijacked to some godforsaken no-man's-land.
Redferns
'(Sittin' on) The Dock of the Bay'
Michael Bolton
Turkey Served With: Plastic Soul Food
While he wasn't a "no-talent assclown" -- as a similarly named character in the movie 'Office Space' described him -- Bolton clearly besmirched this classic Otis Redding tune in 1987 by putting out an overproduced, sappy cover that appealed to adult-contemporary crowds. While he still carried the mullet over from his hard rock past, Bolton became a superstar by chugging Rock Lite.
While he wasn't a "no-talent assclown" -- as a similarly named character in the movie 'Office Space' described him -- Bolton clearly besmirched this classic Otis Redding tune in 1987 by putting out an overproduced, sappy cover that appealed to adult-contemporary crowds. While he still carried the mullet over from his hard rock past, Bolton became a superstar by chugging Rock Lite.
Frank Micelotta, Getty Images
'Lotus'
R.E.M.
Turkey Served With: Expensive Flat Wine
We're not sure who the bigger turkey is here: Warner Bros., for signing R.E.M. to a record-breaking $80 million record deal in 1996, or R.E.M. for jumping the shark immediately afterward. The second album of the contract, 'Up,' sounded like it was recorded with a cheap Casio with fading batteries. 'Lotus' featured Michael Stipe singing nonsensical lyrics in a robotic voice -- a far cry from the pre-80 million-dollar man.
We're not sure who the bigger turkey is here: Warner Bros., for signing R.E.M. to a record-breaking $80 million record deal in 1996, or R.E.M. for jumping the shark immediately afterward. The second album of the contract, 'Up,' sounded like it was recorded with a cheap Casio with fading batteries. 'Lotus' featured Michael Stipe singing nonsensical lyrics in a robotic voice -- a far cry from the pre-80 million-dollar man.
Mark Allan, WireImage
'Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm'
Crash Test Dummies
Turkey Served With: Crunchy Frog
First of all, this Crash Test Dummies song features a chorus that's nothing but humming. Secondly, the lead singer's baritone voice sounds like a a church choir member gone rogue, possibly after swallowing a frog. Finally, this 1993 song made us all feel dumb when we had to say the title, sounding like our jaws had been wired shut.
First of all, this Crash Test Dummies song features a chorus that's nothing but humming. Secondly, the lead singer's baritone voice sounds like a a church choir member gone rogue, possibly after swallowing a frog. Finally, this 1993 song made us all feel dumb when we had to say the title, sounding like our jaws had been wired shut.
Mick Hutson, Redferns
'Somewhere Out There'
Linda Ronstadt
Turkey Served With: Processed Cheese
Linda Ronstadt used to rock. In fact, they even dubbed her the Queen of Rock. Or, in some cases, the First Lady of Rock. But you wouldn't know that after she became the Royal Princess of Cheese. This song, sung with James Ingram for the 1986 animated movie 'An American Tail,' set a precedent for washed-up rockers who would go on to sing middle-of-the-road songs for cartoon films.
Linda Ronstadt used to rock. In fact, they even dubbed her the Queen of Rock. Or, in some cases, the First Lady of Rock. But you wouldn't know that after she became the Royal Princess of Cheese. This song, sung with James Ingram for the 1986 animated movie 'An American Tail,' set a precedent for washed-up rockers who would go on to sing middle-of-the-road songs for cartoon films.
David Redfern, Redferns
'My Humps'
Black Eyed Peas
Turkey Served With: Raw, Tasteless Peas
A song can be both successful and a turkey, as proved by this 2005 tune, which sold millions and simultaneously made practically everyone's Most Annoying Song list. Even worse, this Black Eyed Peas song prompted thousands of vain wannabes to post videos of themselves dancing (badly) to 'My Humps' on YouTube.
A song can be both successful and a turkey, as proved by this 2005 tune, which sold millions and simultaneously made practically everyone's Most Annoying Song list. Even worse, this Black Eyed Peas song prompted thousands of vain wannabes to post videos of themselves dancing (badly) to 'My Humps' on YouTube.
Daniel Boczarski, Redferns
'Without You'
Van Halen
Turkey Served With: Meat Substitute
By the 1990s, Eddie Van Halen got cocky, figuring he was so good it didn't matter who was singing alongside his guitar-god pyrotechnics. But, it turns out, both David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar actually did add something to the band. This melody-depraved cacophony of noise, with ex-Extreme singer Gary Cherone singing lead in 1997, proved Van Halen wasn't all about Eddie.
By the 1990s, Eddie Van Halen got cocky, figuring he was so good it didn't matter who was singing alongside his guitar-god pyrotechnics. But, it turns out, both David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar actually did add something to the band. This melody-depraved cacophony of noise, with ex-Extreme singer Gary Cherone singing lead in 1997, proved Van Halen wasn't all about Eddie.
Neil Lupin, Redferns
'American Pie'
Madonna
Turkey Served With: Warmed-Over Pie
What goes better with turkey than some reheated pie? In 1971, Don McLean's 'American Pie' was a poetic nod to the Day the Music Died -- the plane crash that killed Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper. Madonna's slowed-down, pop-dance cover from 2000 trivializes the crash -- and cuts out many of the song's lyrics. While McLain said he was delighted to hear Madonna was covering it, we think the release of this cover marked the day his song died.
What goes better with turkey than some reheated pie? In 1971, Don McLean's 'American Pie' was a poetic nod to the Day the Music Died -- the plane crash that killed Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper. Madonna's slowed-down, pop-dance cover from 2000 trivializes the crash -- and cuts out many of the song's lyrics. While McLain said he was delighted to hear Madonna was covering it, we think the release of this cover marked the day his song died.
Frank Micelotta, Getty Images
- Filed under: The Hit List
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Add a Comment
The absolute worst is" I think i'm japanese,I really think so" ! Plus it was totally STUPID !
November 21 2011 at 4:19 PM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Reply
Mark
Hey! How come there are no rap songs on this list? If you are talking turkeys rap is the best place to start.
March 22 2011 at 6:54 AM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Reply
Nan Hahn (thinkingperson)
I L-O-V-E "Somewhere Out There" by Linda Ronstadt! My (now) husband and I had a long distance romance for nearly a year, and the song fit EXACTLY what I was feeling! Too bad the author of this article disses such a romantic song!!
November 26 2010 at 8:42 PM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Reply
Jim
In my opinion the worst is not even on this list. The song "Electric Slide" makes me want to puke everytime I hear it. I heard it again today at Walmart. Please burn this crap!!
November 26 2010 at 6:40 PM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Reply
Allyn
You know what they say about opinions, that their like a..holes...everybody has one. This article shows that very clearly. Tastes in music is something that can be a very personal thing and not regulated by others.
November 26 2010 at 6:10 AM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Reply
dave
what credentials does the guy that wrote this article have? several of these songs were actually pretty good. i'll bet that this guy likes "mack the knife" which is the all time worst song in my book.
November 26 2010 at 6:02 AM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Reply
robert grant
1 reply to robert grant's comment
MUSKRAT LOVE BY THE CAPTAIN AND TENNILE---THE ABSOLUTE WORST RECORD OF ALL TIME
November 26 2010 at 5:24 AM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Reply
jill
I love the version that America does!
November 26 2010 at 3:34 PM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Reply
Yu Zh
Who is this "genius" who dares to compile a list like this together? It's just an opinion of one single individual and should not be imposed on us listeners. I love some of the songs on this list and think that his comments are ridiculous. Too bad these people are given the power and money to write any rubbish they want.
November 26 2010 at 5:03 AM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Reply
Lauren
some of those songs are ok, broaden your era and range of music dude.
November 26 2010 at 4:21 AM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Reply
cal
Michael Bolton disgraced the Supremes' Classic #1 mega HIT "BACK IN MY ARMS AGAIN! and
Phil Collins with "YOU CANT HURRY LOVE" the worst covers ever!
133 Comments