AP Photo, Scanpix Sweden, Ulf Palm Seventeen people have been taken to a…
- Posted on Nov 22nd 2010 1:04PM by Steve Baltin
"I got to a point where I didn't think I'd ever be able to do it because I get so self-conscious. It's such a different thing when I'm being recorded than when I'm not being recorded. I sort of kind of gave up on it for a little while," she tells Spinner of recording a live performance. "It's really hard to deal with yourself once you're not in the moment."
Spektor credits friend and director Adria Petty, who said Spektor was being a "schmuck," and bootleggers for convincing her to finally relent. "There are so many really bad [bootlegs] out there, like all shaky and really distorted cell phone sound," she says. "Just make a good one at least so that people can really hear the music and see the playing and have a closer experience with it."
Despite the bad quality, she appreciates the fans who take the time to tape her performances. "I have a completely open taping [policy]. I get really mad at security if they take away somebody's camera or cell phone or any kind of recording device," she says. " I'm actually really grateful to a lot of people who have recorded me over the years because I search my own songs on s----y bootlegs and I remember how to play them when I don't know how to play them anymore. It makes me happy they exist and they're not just lost because I can't remember them. It's kind of a partnership in helping remember my own music."
Still, she's conflicted about watching herself on professional recordings. "I don't know if it's good. I don't know if I'm supposed to see that," she says. "There's a lot of s---, like, 'Really, I do that? That's weird. Why do I do that?' I try not to think about stuff too much. I see it as much as I need too for the edits, but I don't sit around being like, 'Hmm, interesting. Why did I play like that?' It's a little bit of a mind f---."
"I kind of don't think of it as me because if I thought it was me, I would just be like, 'This is really weird,'" she adds. "I look at all the moments. I'm like, 'Oh, there are my friends, look at that. He looks really happy in that moment. Oh, there's Beth, look at her go.' I'm looking at everybody else but me."