Whitney Houston and Osama bin Laden: al-Qaeda Chief Had Major Crush on Singer

Whitney Houston was a gem, a true talent the likes of which grace us only now and again. Her rendition of the 'Star-Spangled Banner' brought the house down, moved many to tears and made hearts glow with patriotic joy. In fact, she was winsome enough to fell the heart of Osama bin Laden, former leader of militant terrorist organization al-Qaeda, and American public enemy number one. Despite being capitalist pigs, at least we had Whitney going for us.

According to poet Kala Boof, who reportedly lived with the terrorist mastermind on a Moroccan estate in 1996, bin Laden frequently spoke of his undying love for the singer. "He said that he had a paramount desire for Whitney Houston," Boof wrote in a 2006 memoir for Harper's Bazaar. "He spoke of someday spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting with the superstar."We are not sure if this trip to America would have been in concert with his jihad plans, or if he was willing to table the whole holy war thing to get him some Whitney.

"He said he wanted to give Whitney Houston a mansion that he owned in a suburb of Khartoum," Boof continued. "He explained to me that to possess Whitney he would be willing to break his colour rule and make her one of his wives." For a man who so despised western culture, we can only assume he was majorly conflicted.

"Whitney Houston's name was the one that would be mentioned constantly. How beautiful she was, what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women's husbands killed," she reported.

After a while, we assume his fellow terrorists said, "Enough Osama, we get it, she's awesome," even though secretly they were glad he stopped gushing about the evils of America. Still, we can only imagine the pangs of his tortured soul every time he heard her sing 'I Will Always Love You.'

Watch 'I Will Always Love You'