Lollapalooza 2012, Day One: Sharon Van Etten, Rahm Emanuel, Bros & Babies

Spinner Editor Dan Reilly is at Lollapalooza, and rather than write up the same kind of concert reviews that you usually find everywhere, he's observing all that's going on at the festival, with a semi-keen eye and a sun-stroked wit. Here is his recap -- full of ramblings and inane awards -- for the first day of Lollapalooza 2012.

OFF-THE-BAT FAIL
I consider myself a pretty good reader of maps, so it's really annoying when I look at one, say to myself, "Yep, on my way!" and then realize I've been walking in the wrong direction for 10 minutes. Good start to the festival.

CELEBRITY LOOKALIKES
A lot of people made me do double-takes on Friday. In no specific order, I thought I saw Terrell Owens, Kristen Stewart, Blake whatshisname from "Workaholics" and, yep, Richard Gere. I have that talent, yet I can't seem to recognize people I know who are in the park. Awesome. (Side note: I spent way too much time thinking about how dangerous it would be for KStew to appear at a festival right now because of insane Twilight fans, which amounted to about 15 seconds total.)

SWEET HENDRIX COVERS
Within, say, 90 minutes of me being at Lolla, I hear two people covering Jimi. The first is O Rappa, a Brazilian rock/rap/reggae band, who did "Hey Joe" in what I'm assuming is Portuguese, because I'm worldly. The next was Michael Kiwanuka doing "May This Be Love," the one many laypeople would call "Waterfall." O Rappa went heavy, Michael went chill, and both were awesome in their own way. Also, O Rappa did about 30 seconds of "Smoke on the Water," which I assume was a nod to all the 40-somethings who were in garage bands and could only play that song.

WEIRDEST ACCESSORY
A kelly-green inflatable alien, about the size of a real human, held by a couple who were at least in their mid 30s. I just don't get it.

WEIRDEST JUXTAPOSITION
Watching Sharon Van Etten's amazing set, and looking over -- during a beautiful ballad, mind you -- and seeing some Lolla stage crew dude pulling up his shirt so he could have a fan blowing on his well-formed gut.

DUDES CO-OPTING NATIVE AMERICAN ATTIRE
Several. One with just a headdress and plaid shirt and a group going with headdresses and full warpaint. Not one of them appeared to have any appreciation of said culture.

BABIES SEEN
Three. All of them seemed pretty chill, especially the little one wearing a Motley Crue t-shirt. I wonder if its (sex indeterminate) parents use The Dirt as a bedtime story. "So then Tommy took out his..."

WITTIEST JOKE I COULDN'T MAKE
Something about people smoking pot while watching the War on Drugs. They were great. I was just too overheated to figure out a good way of saying something about it. Oh, hey -- still haven't.

TEAMS
Dudes in soccer gear, with shin guards. Dudes with captain's hats. Girls in tie dye, with "Day 01" written on them. You be the judge.

MOST FUNCTIONAL BODY MODIFICATION
The gentleman who used to have those giant ear studs but opted to put a lighter in his earlobe instead. Respect.

BEST BASKETBALL JERSEY
Partybot, #5. Runner-up: Old-school All-Star Scottie Pippen, #33. No respect: Allen Iverson, #3, who bumped into me in the beer line and didn't say sorry.

BEST TRIBUTE TO CRAZY MUSICIAN
Sharon Van Etten, who said that she wrote one of her songs with the intention of having Sinead O'Connor sing it.

THE "I WANTED TO KNOW MORE" QUOTE
"Time for some trust falls!" Said by a gentleman wandering through the M83 crowd with his friends. He had a tattoo of an Italian flag, if you want to judge based on that (racist).

YOU OK? DEPENDS
Bathroom lines between Black Keys and, I believe, Nero, were atrocious. Aside from playing with infants, I've never before considered the benefits of wearing diapers so realistically. Someday, I tell ya, science is going to figure out how to make them so you're not wandering around in your own filth, and we'll all be better for it. Mark my words.

DISAPPOINTING INTEGRATION OF POLITICS
Rahm Emanuel introduced the Black Keys and didn't say fuck.

SECOND-WEIRDEST JUXTAPOSITION
Dude in a Flogging Molly t-shirt jiving the fuck out to Bassnectar. No judgments. I just don't expect Celtic-punk fans to cross over that way.

PIT OF DESPAIR
I really, really felt bad for the people sitting on the end-of-the-night bus, waiting for it to fill up to leave. I respect the commitment, and I hope they got home OK, because damn that looked like it'd be a long haul.

BEST QUOTE I HEARD BEFORE BEDTIME
"My mouth tastes like glowsticks!"