Dimitrios Kambouris, Getty Images Move out of the way because Beyonce is playing…
- Posted by Dan Reilly
Matt King, Getty Images
Don't Show Up Late and Push
If you're so insistent on getting as far up as possible, get to the show early. If you want to go to the bathroom or bar, say excuse me. Those who push people without a care deserve any and all elbows they get to the nose.
People are there to see music, not listen to you complain about work, school or your girlfriend. Yes, chances are you'll want to say something to someone during a show, but keep it low, quick and never during the quiet songs. I was stuck behind five coked-up guys (they were doing it right there) at a Jack White show and it really killed the fun of the night. Sadly, I bet they told their friends they had the best night ever.
Sean Gallup, Getty Images
Romantic moments are common at concerts, but if you're just going to slobber all over each other for most of the night -- or take it a few steps farther, like the lapdance I saw at an AC/DC show -- and not pay attention, find a more private spot, whether it's the back of the room, the bathroom (if that's your thing) or somewhere outside of the venue.
Mind Your Height
If you're tall, be considerate of those behind you. If you're short, politely ask tall people if you can switch spots with them. Most of the time, people can work out a happy understanding (says the 6'3" writer...). Also, no large hats (looking at you, the Pope) or people sitting on shoulders if there are others behind you -- especially not if you're some young white kid wearing a Native American headdress and day-glo body paint, like I saw repeatedly at Lollapalooza.
Jadranka Krsteska, Redferns
Hey, lots of people like to enjoy a few drinks before and during shows, but why bother attending if you're going to get so messed up that you don't remember anything and/or puke all over yourself?
Put the Phone/Camera/iPad Down
Snapping a few pictures of a show is fine, and video can be acceptable if something truly amazing, like Elvis showing up for a duet, is happening and you're close enough to get quality footage. But seriously, why watch a show on a 3-inch screen when you can see it with your own eyes? And, of course, holding up an iPad during a concert is grounds for removal, divorce, torture, etc. (plus, you look like a humongous tool).
Don't Be a Statue
This has two means: 1) If someone is politely trying to get by, or you're in a high-traffic area of the venue, let them by. 2) If the music is upbeat, move around (as much as you're physically able to). That's why you're there!
Kansas City Star
If you don't have a microphone in front of your face or the performer isn't
egging you on, keep the singing down. Chances are, your singing talent couldn't even get you on "Cops," let alone "Idol."
Get Up, Stand Up, or Sit Right Down
It's hard to please everyone at seated shows, so just keep an eye on those around you and go by the general feel of the crowd. If you're the only one standing and rocking out, you'll look like a jackass. If you're up and about and the people behind you are unable to stand up for whatever reason, you're inconsiderate. If you just feel like sitting down for a bit and don't have a good reason, don't make others sit too. Everyone hates that person.
Alberto E. Rodriguez, Getty Images
This goes in five ways:
1) Don't scream for an artist's biggest hit right from the beginning of the set. Ninety-nine times out of 100, they'll play it later.
2) If you're within earshot of the performer, don't keep yelling for the same song all night.
3) Don't bring signs, unless that's a tradition for the artist. People behind you need to see, and will request that you shove said sign somewhere uncomfortable if you don't put it down.
4) Don't keep screaming out requests if you're far away. Believe it or not, artists can't hear when you're in the upper deck of the Enormo Dome.
5) Never shout for "Freebird," unless you're watching Skynyrd or a Skynyrd cover group. That joke is older than most of their current band members.
Haters Stay Home
If you don't like an artist, don't go to one of their shows and tell them, like so many young bros did at Lana Del Rey's Bowery Ballroom show a few months ago (also, Lana Del Gay is in no way witty, morons). In fact, the only appropriate time to voice your displeasure with someone onstage is if they're purposefully disrespecting an audience, like Lana's friend Axl Rose.
At some shows, there's going to be some aggressive dancing. You have two options here: Get in there and enjoy it or stay out of the way. That said, those in the pit should not tolerate anyone who's especially violent and/or doesn't look out for others.
Don't Be an Aggro Bro
If we have to explain this one to you, please never go see a concert again. And get yourself neutered while you're at it.
- Do: Get There Early
- DON'T: Go to the EDM Area Too Early
- DO: Keep an Eye Out for Cameras
- DON'T: Walk a Half Mile for a Set When You're Already Late
- DO: Let the Artists Climb on Things
- DON'T: Do This
- DO: Put Your Hands Up
- DON'T: Underestimate the Sun
- DO: Wear Disposable or Easily Cleaned Footwear
- DON'T: Think About What's in the Mud
- DO: Give in to the Filth
- DO: Try to Make Friends in the Pit
- DON'T: Wait Too Long Before Getting to the Porta Potties
- DO: Watch Behind You for Crowd Surfers
- DO: Mind the Schedule
- DON'T: Plan on a Quick Exit