'Something,' The Beatles
1969 single from 'Abbey Road'

I jumped at the chance to write about George Harrison's 'Something,' and I've regretted the decision since the moment I sat down at the computer. It's one of the most beautiful pop songs ever written, an elegant, deceptively simple ode to being blissfully under the spell of a good woman. And that's precisely the problem. Writing about 'Something' means writing about "feelings." 'Something' is a love song, you see, and writing about love is a job for songwriters and poets and 13-year-old girls, not thirty-something professional cynics.

The Beatles really seemed to enjoy writing about it: She's in love with me, she loves you and I love her, all you need is love, yadda yadda yadda. But 'Something' is different altogether. It isn't a song about love so much as it's the sound of being in love -- being deeply, serenely engulfed in another person's every movement and thought. Harrison never says "I love her" or "We're so in love." He just tosses out images and impressions that almost capture the way his woman makes him feel. Of all the innovative, catchy, and "important" love songs in the Beatles' catalog, 'Something' is the only one that truly nails what it feels like to be head over heels about someone, because it doesn't nail anything at all. The secret is right there in the title. You can't name it, you can't capture it...and you certainly can't write about it. It's just that something in the way she moves and smiles and knows, and you couldn't imagine life without it. Now that's a love song.

A chant of "Alice! Alice! Alice!" went up into the blustery skies above Lollapalooza's vitaminwater stage on Friday afternoon, as thousands of soaking-wet fans awaited the arrival of fiery Crystal Castles frontwoman Alice Glass. Moments later Ethan Kath, the brains behind the Castles' video game-inspired dance attack, took the stage to thunderous applause, followed by Glass, dressed in her characteristic all-black (except for her white Converse), whose arrival sent the kids into a wet, muddy frenzy. As the Toronto natives tore through cuts from their self-titled debut album, including 'Air War' and crowd favorite 'Crimewave,' Glass tested the befuddled security staff's limits, climbing around scaffolding and onto speakers, plunging into the front of the crowd, and chugging from a bottle of Tito's Vodka.

One of Glass's forays into the crowd nearly got out of hand when a "fan" grabbed the singer in a very inappropriate way. But Glass wouldn't end up the victim. The diminutive singer threw a mean punch, shaking her hand in pain after making contact with the offender. Luckily one person wasn't enough to derail the show. After taking a quick drink, Glass proclaimed, "We're going to play one more despite him," and then, pointing to the hundreds of outstretched arms in the crowd, "All those hands are going to reach boobs on their own!" Then, during a momentary break from the rain, they launched into a scorching rendition of 'Courtship Dating' that included Glass dumping her vodka directly onto the screaming fans up front.

"Broads say, 'Are you a philosopher?'/Yeah, yeah, I philosophize on top of ya"
--Common's 'Announcement,' from 2008's 'Universal Mind Control'

Common: the thinking man's misogynist.

"My friend showed me pictures of his kids/And all I could show him were pictures of my cribs"
--Kanye West's 'Welcome to Heartbreak,' from 2008's '808s and Heartbreak'

Taking pity on the childless rapper, Kanye's friend immediately offered to trade.

"The skies are more certain/Than you will ever be/The rain clouds are angry/At you and at me"
--The Duke Spirit's 'Wooden Heart,' from 2008's 'Neptune'

And the ocean, who's totally like my BFF, told me the sun was saying you look fat in those pants.

"But i've only got two hands/And i'll never learn to dance"
--Travis's 'Before You Were Young,' from 2008's 'Ode To J. Smith'

Hmmm, I think I see what the problem is. Try using your feet instead.

"I'm so glad you stung me/Now I've got your honey/All over my tummy"
--Lucinda Williams's 'Honey Bee,' from 2008's 'Little Honey'

Finally, bee porn -- for those who crave hot drone-on-queen action!