The Foo Fighters' tour rider has found its way online, and, as expected, Dave Grohl's sense of humor is all over the 26-page document. Sure, Van Halen's legendary stipulation, "No Brown M&Ms" pretty much got the ball rolling three decades ago, and the Stooges' 2007 rider was a total classic, but highlights of the Foo's 2008 backstage tour demands are a pisser as well:

"Selection of cereals -- unopened. Do not recycle from last night's DIO show."

"Every lunch should include a 'Soup of the Day' -- Please try to make it a vegetarian selection. Meaty soups make roadies fart."

"A bunch of lightly cooked chicken breasts with goo on them are not fun, not exciting and definitely not going to get you a hug from our bass player Nate. (He's the real people person, not the guy from Nirvana)."

"Any pre-packaged foodstuffs, such as chips, M&Ms, etc. must remain sealed until opened by a member of the tour entourage. All goods in jars or alike, should be purchased new and unopened at the time of the artist's arrival at the venue. We are just another band trying to make enough money to fuel our private jet. Please help."

"24 large bath towels. If they are new and unwashed, you will receive a wedgie."

The band's demand for beer and cigarette lighters is pretty pedestrian, but what's with the scented candles, fellas?

Don't mess with a Southern girl, y'all.

Dolly Parton has fired back at the Howard Stern radio show, in response to a bit that originally aired May 6 on the top rated Sirius Satellite program, which , according to the singer, electronically manipulated her speaking voice using elements of her audiobook to create "racist and sexually vulgar statements." An outraged Parton hinted a lawsuit might be forthcoming as a result of the comedic bit.

"I have never been so shocked, hurt and humiliated in all my life," Parton said in a statement. "I cannot believe what Howard Stern has done to me. In a blue million years, I would never have such vulgar things come out of my mouth."

"They have done editing or some sort of trickery to make this horrible, horrible thing," the legendary country singer continued. "Please accept my apology for them and certainly know I had nothing to do with this. If there was ever going to be a lawsuit, it's going to be over this. Just wanted you to know that I am completely devastated by this."

Stern's 'anything-goes' broadcast has become notorious -- especially since its move to Sirius -- for such vocal manipulations. The use of sound clip manipulation takes place on a regular basis in bits and phony phone calls that are often the work of Stern staffers Sal "the Stockbroker" Governale and Richard Christie.

The story of guitarist White Gold is a typical one in rock 'n' roll. As he tells it, White Gold was once a "ragged man [with] frail hair [and] scrawny muscles," until he encountered an angel who gave him a milk-filled guitar. Suddenly this weakling was transformed into a hunky bare-chested rock god with flowing hair. Together with sexy-looking female musicians Wholena and Skimberly, the bassist and drummer known as the Calcium Twins, White Gold extols the healthy virtues and benefits of milk through his bombastic funk rock music. "I consumed [and] transformed -- I went forth into rock history," he says.

But White Gold isn't an actual rock star though he sure plays like one with his macho singing and moves. He is the campy invention of the real-life advertising firm Goodby, Silverstein & Partners as part of the California Milk Processor Board's campaign to get younger people drinking more milk.

"I think we were tossing around ideas, [and] the phrase 'white gold' had been thrown around just as a neat name for milk," Goodby, Silverstein's Paul Charney, who, with Andrew Bancroft and Bryan Houlette, developed the campaign, tells Spinner. "What if there was a guy named White Gold who wanted to spread the word of milk through the power of song?"

The creative team drew inspiration from the movies 'This Is Spinal Tap' and 'Zoolander' in shaping the character. The presentation is as over-the-top as the music. In the video for 'One Gallon Axe,' White Gold levitates while playing his dairy-powered guitar; and in the 'Tame the White Tiger' video, he submerges into a river of milk.

"We wanted to create this guy who embodies the benefits of milk in a funny way," Charney says. "The idea that rock musicians has this beautiful flowing hair, this smile, this Axl Rose-body -- they got all this from milk."

Foo Fighters mainman Dave Grohl has reportedly penned an open letter to Metallica, pleading with them to make sure their new disc is 'kick-ass.' And who could blame him? The one-time Nirvana kitman writes:

"Dear Metallica:

Hey, it's Dave! Remember me? Yeah, I'm the guy that's been listening to your band faithfully since 1983. I bought your first album 'Kill 'Em All' from a mailorder catalog called Under the Rainbow, I think. Actually I can't remember. It was 1983 for Christsakes! But that album changed my life and I've been listening to your albums ever since (even 'St Anger'!).

I can't wait to hear the new s---, and no matter what you guys do I'll always be first one at the shop waiting to hear it. I'm sure you'll come out and blow everybody's f---in' minds, because you're f---in' METALLICA!

Good luck. And don't release it until it's kick-ass.

Yours, Dave Grohl.

P.S. Are you finished recording the drums yet?"

We second that.

Folks who can't seem to properly separate their garbage from recycling and alt-rockers who make garbage music are just some of the banes of comedian Neil Hamburger's existence. "It causes stress to think about the folks who have to pick chicken bones out of what is supposed to be clean office paper," he tells Spinner. "They are unsung heroes, much more so than these garbage entertainers, such as Nickelback, who get all the glory. Yet the folks who work behind the scenes processing trash so that it may be made into something useful are paid only a fraction of what Nickelback receives for polluting our earth with their rubbish music."

This is just one of the many topics covered on Hamburger's new country album, 'Neil Hamburger Sings Country Winners,' out this month on Drag City. Hamburger uses his nasal singing voice and sharply self-deprecating wit to infuse the record's ten songs with both bathos and pathos. Backed by an incredibly talented band, his lyrics may be funny but the music is dead-on serious country. "We're looking at this as more of a 'personality' record than a country record, in the vein of the great albums in the past by Leonard Nimoy, Telly Savalas or William Shatner," Hamburger says. "Country was the right choice for the music. I am not into the click-tracks and techno type of sound."

We can remember the days when folks more mature than us reacted to one of our pranks with the warning "it's only funny until someone gets hurt." Since we never bought it back then, we admire the folks at YouTube Australia for promising site visitors a tasty musical treat -- and then re-directing them to the infamous video for Rick Astley's 'Never Gonna Give You Up.' We're guessing that the April Fool's Day idea -- dubbed "Rickrolling" -- was borrowed by a staffer who owns stock in a 24-hour optometry chain. After all, we can't imagine a better way to convince thousands of people to simultaneously stick ten-inch spikes into their eyes ... well, other than a new round of Amy Winehouse nudie shots, that is.

An Auckland radio station is apologizing after an April Fool's Day prank involving a "secret" Foo Fighters show that went awry earlier today. After 'The Rock FM' announced Dave Grohl and company would be playing an intimate acoustic set this morning at a club called the Powerstation, word spread throughout the country forcing them to scrap the stunt.

The station, which had apparently planned to play the band's album on a tape deck in the venue, claims it only expected around fifty listeners to show up. Instead, word spread nationwide and when the station learned that Foos fans were planning to attend in droves, it took to the airwaves to express regret and urge them against attending. Music lovers had reportedly taken the day off from work, with some even booking last minute flights into Auckland for the supposed acoustic gig.

Dreamed up by the station's promotions department in the absence of the station's program director Brad King, who had been on vacation, the PD described the fallout to reporters as "absolute carnage" adding, "on behalf of the Rock, I sincerely apologize for this misinformation. Contracts have been terminated and heads have rolled. This is what happens when fools plan April Fool's jokes."

The Foo Fighters just wrapped a Canadian tour last Sunday night and will resume live work in Tokyo on April 13. There are Auckland gigs set for the near future, when the group rocks the Vector Arena on May 5 and 6.

Axl Rose has responded to Dr. Pepper's generous offer, which gives everyone in America a can of the soda if Guns N' Roses releases 'Chinese Democracy' this year.

"We are surprised and very happy to have the support of Dr. Pepper," he said in a press release. "This came totally out of the blue." Rose also maintains that if his record company had anything to do with the stunt, he didn't know about it. He then went on to address the company's entertaining stipulation that Buckethead and Slash, whom Axl has butted heads with in the past, won't get the free goods: "As some of Buckethead's performances are on our album, I'll share my Dr. Pepper with him."

Sucks to be Slash.

After years of folks speculating about his sexuality, a previously coy Michael Stipe is fully out of the closet ... and having a good laugh about it. The R.E.M. frontman has made a video in response to all of the hype surrounding his recent, long overdue and unequivocal declaration that he is indeed gay. But Stipe doesn't lash out at the media. He instead makes a very surprising statement about his bandmates' sexual proclivities.

You can watch Stipe's funny video on PEOPLE.com.

Anybody with a microphone thinks they're a comedian so perhaps it was inevitable that musicians would eventually find kinship with stand-up comics, but the bond between the two types of entertainers has increased exponentially in the past few years. On Monday night, comedian Michael Showalter paired up with singer-songwriter John Vanderslice as part of San Francisco's two-week 'SF Sketchfest,' in a showcase aptly titled, 'Michael Showalter Meets John Vanderslice.'

"I think comedians are the new rock stars," Vanderslice tells Spinner. "What's amazing and what's really beautiful is that the two worlds intercept perfectly. Those guys pay attention to indie rock and we pay attention to comedians. The sensibilities are the same. I certainly would love to be somewhat shocking in the music that I do and I know that comedians would love to be somewhat shocking with the material that they do."

Making fun of the fact that the two entertainers performed individual sets and would not actually collaborate live, Showalter introduced Vanderslice to the audience while introducing himself to Vanderslice. He called the singer-songwriter on stage to shake his hand and officially "met" him, as the title of the showcase promised.

"The difference between indie rockers and indie comedians," Showalter later told the crowd, "is that comedians wear looser pants."

In just a few days, Clay Aiken is about to be transformed into a brave and gallant knight of song and dance, as he endeavors to join the cast of the Broadway musical 'Monty Python's Spamalot.' Far be it to surmise that this most famous second banana of the 'American Idol' franchise possibly may have been miscast, but not only did he admit to not really getting the revered British comedy troupe's humor, he was laboring under a strange notion of exactly who or what this Python is. "I thought Monty Python was a person until three months ago," Aiken told Newsweek. And upon first exposure to the Python brand of absurdist comedy, the singer was initially none too impressed. "The first time I saw it I thought it was the stupidest thing I'd ever seen in my entire life," he added.

Though some may sneeringly dismiss the Broadway stage as a place for wusses and wimps, Aiken said he has been asked to get physical in unaccustomed ways to prepare for his role as the chickenhearted chevalier Sir Robin. "It hurts so bad," he said. "I don't know if it's I'm not coordinated or using muscles I never had to use before," he admitted, confiding that as a result he "couldn't even get off the toilet the other day."

We're guessing this production must be quite different from the movie version.

Here at The DL we know the importance of some good booty time. But when tappin' dat, what are you listening to? We wanted to know so we hit the streets to ask you what tunes you be bumping while you're bumpin'. T.M.I.? You be the judge.

The scene: London. The situation: A legendary country icon meets a charismatic glam rocker. The result: 'Jake's Adventure in Dollywood,' a UK TV special where Scissor Scissors frontman Jake Shears goes in-depth with the ever-affable Dolly Parton.

Taking time out from promotion of her 2008 Backwoods Barbie tour and the launch of the UK chapter of her children's charity, Imagination, Parton talks to Shear about her life, career ... and even her "boobs." For those on this side of the pond, here's a glimpse of the action. The special will air on the UK channel T4 on December 26.

Recently unearthed musical legend Dewey Cox is about to tell his fictional yet hilarious life story on the big screen this week. With all of his success of late, the larger-than-life, car flippin' crooner hasn't lost sight of what got him there -- his fans. Cox sends a very special Christmas message to his family, as he will be on the road this year, because '(For Christmas) The People Want Cox.' Cox also takes the time to remind us that "the girls in Yazoo need their stockings stuffed, too."

The boys on the cover of 'The Black and White' album stopped by The DL to show us Sweden's new national sport. It's a dangerous, take no prisoners game of concentration -- raw power like nothing you've seen before. If not properly trained, it can lead to blindness, low self-esteem and, in some cases, complete annihilation. In the end, only one will survive. At least that's how they pitched it to us. Who will rule the hive?